A litre of tears

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Sleeping Issues, Struggles

Why must you be so upset. Only if you can use words or somehow show me what it is, that is bothering you. Or somehow show me how to comfort you. I’m heartbroken hearing you cry because maybe you are in pain or suffering. I hate nights where you endlessly bawl your eyes out. I know you must be so frustrated and exhausted. I would be too if I can’t get my needs and wants expressed. Only if I can take your frustration away, I wouldn’t think twice and do it in a heartbeat. It’s so hard to hear your baby cry for hours upon hours and feel like you can’t do anything. I know just being there and ensuring he is not hurting himself and offering my lap and shoulder is good but it is also so hard. As I am bouncing him on a yoga ball to calm him down, tears would roll down my eyes. A litre of tears will roll down before he falls asleep in my arms.

A lost duck swimming

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Sleeping Issues, Struggles

I cannot begin to tell you how hard it is hearing your baby cry and maybe suffer but you have no idea what is bothering him or if he is possibly in any pain. I find myself constantly watching him to see if I can pickup clues of what got him frustrated. Most of the time I can see or at least guess but there times where I have no clue and feel feel like a lost duck. Swimming around endlessly hoping to comfort him so he would stop bawling and get some sleep. He’s only 2, he needs sleep to grow and learn. The idea of being helpless is so devastating. I watch him get frustrated and fall to the ground and hurt his knees. When that happens he gets more frustrated because he is now in pain. If I can take away his frustration I would do it in a heartbeat.

Horrible night

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Sleeping Issues, Struggles, The others

Horrible night as he was extremely upset at something. The hardest part of autism is seeing him bawl his eyes out because it makes me so deeply sad. Something must be bothering him to a point he wants to hang his head to calm down. I read that is a coping mechanism as it takes their mind of whatever it is that is bothering them. Everyone has coping mechanisms, but watching your child hurt himself as a way to cope with something that is more painful than the self inflicting pain is simply too hard to bear. All the unknown, of why and what is going on in his head. I wish I can get a glimpse of what’s going on and offer some help. He is just a baby, my baby and I feel I’m failing to offer him the protection I want him to have. The struggle is too real and often too painful. I know, I know, you can’t bubble, shelter or even baby someone forever but he is just 2 years old. This husband of mine is so strong, I only wish I can have 10% of his strength. He always has the right encouraging word to make things just a tad better. I need the reminder that our JB will be alright and he just had a bad night like everyone else. He’s asleep now and he will be fine tomorrow. What on earth will I do without this husband of mine?