Struggles

As he grows stronger my struggle is harder

It’s bittersweet when your child grows and although I want my children to grow, I just want them to grow very slowly so I can enjoy it just a tad longer. Yesterday JB didn’t nap and I had to take him to pickup Mase. We were cutting it real close in time so I had to rush which was my mistake number one. Never rush your autistic child. He wanted something and I took a moment to try to let him find it, but he was frustrated and angry.

We trekked on and when I took him out of the car seat he was past the point of no return and I immediately regret it. Mase summer camp was only 7 minutes away and I thought that is a short ride but boy was I wrong. He was even more angry and was not having it. Again I gave him a minute to calm down but a minute was not enough and I had to carry/wrestle him in since I was already late.

The struggle was so real and as I’m reflecting on it now I realized I was frazzled. I wore a dress which is mistake number two. You can’t wrestle a strong child with a dress on holding 2 toy cars, keys and a wallet. Mistake number three, never hold a million loose items. He threw a toy car and as I picked up the toy while holding his hands to ensure he wouldn’t run away in the parking lot I dropped the wallet and the cycle went on and on.

As we finally made it to Mase, JB was on the floor with a full on meltdown while I looked for my driver’s licence to prove who I was. I forgot my phone in the car which in a way was better so I didn’t have to carry another item but wasn’t able to take a picture of what Mase did at camp that day. I didn’t even get to read the board at all. After I got Mase, we took our time to get back to the car but boy was he still angry.

A few failed attempts for water but my persistence paid off as he calmed down after water. I put on some mother goose club music and off we drove. I knew he was too angry to go inside so I took him to our backyard to calm him on the swing. My flip flop got stuck as he was fighting me and we both fell off the swing. Getting hurt didn’t help the situation one bit. We went inside to look for the magical yoga ball which normally works like a charm but of course it didn’t. He full on woke up baby girl and we were just laying on the floor. I fought back tears as I watched tears rolled down his beautiful eyes onto his chubby cheeks. It was clearly very sad for him and he wasn’t able to express his feelings to me. I wasn’t able to help so the two of us just lay there until the husband walked down and said let me take over.

Lessons I learned:

  1. Never rush, leave plenty of room for delays. Kind of hard with 3 kids but I’ll do my best for next time.
  2. Bring a purse or backpack to carry all the loose items such as water, keys, wallet, phone and his go to toys.
  3. Never wear a dress if I’m going out with just him. Save the dresses on days the hubby is there to wrestle.

There are good days and bad days. On bad days, I feel defeated and wish I can offer him more comfort. On good days, I just want to cherish his contagious smile and freeze his happiness. I suppose everyone has bad days so tomorrow I look forward to a good day. I heard parents say it gets easier with time but I don’t believe I can ever get use to his sadness when he is angry. I am still on the hunt for ways to make him calm down faster. I am determined to find it for myself and him.

 

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