Bad nights two in a row

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Sleeping Issues, Struggles

I mean we should be use to this as it wasn’t long ago he would have bad nights back to back but it’s been a while. Looking back, how did we even manage? I remember very vividly that there was a time where it was 7 bad nights in a row. Funny how two nights seems so hard now when we clearly had it worse before. I think it comes down to our body getting use to the sleep and when he has the bad night the next day we can recover but when it is back to back it takes a toll on us. My little bugger is clearly not well and has a very mild fever. Been in bed all day today and not eating anything. Hopefully he feels better soon. No more watching Star Wars and will have to sleep when the kiddos sleep.

Thankful my oldest child is so sweet

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Happy, Sleeping Issues, The others

Lack of sleep is a norm for us and I’ve gotten used to the point where one of our child could be screaming bloody murder and the either hubby or I are too exhausted to hear. The oldest had a bad nightmare yesterday night and was screaming. I walked in and after comforting him, he told me the sweetest thing. Well first he claims he called us 300 times and how no one heard him. Then he said he was about to go into J’s room but he didn’t because he didn’t want to wake J. He actually walked out of his bed and went to J’s door but didn’t want to wake him and went back to cry in bed. I felt horrible but the same time so happy. This 6 year old knows not to wake his brother because he has sleeping issues and will stay up for hours. Despite big brother’s effort, J still woke up later and cried for 4 hours. Why must it be so hard for him to stay asleep. His little body is so exhausted from being up and bawling his eyes out. Hope he’s not getting sick. Can’t have him sick again. Last sickness was a scene from horror movies where we got in the bathtub to give meds because he pukes at the sight of medicine. I can’t help but to think maybe I’m putting too much pressure on the oldest one where he feels the need to protect his brother. […]

Sleep deprived is so common in autism family

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I spoke to another parent the other day and he said his daughter woke up at 5:30am and wanted to play. I replied, my daughter did the exact same too. My son on the other hand wakes up at 2am and stays up and he replied yup his does the same sometimes too. We both chuckled as we shared our sleep deprivation stories. It was so nice sharing my struggles without the pity eyes/look or questions about how to improve his sleep. I wouldn’t wish our struggles on my worse enemies not that I have any at all, but knowing that someone out there shares my struggles is comforting because I know we’re not alone. When J first got his diagnosis, I went to a few parenting groups and remembered that I felt better when other families shared their stories. Maybe from time to time, I should revisit parenting groups again to remind myself that we’re not alone. This week we had 3 bad nights and I wonder how on earth did we manage 3-4 bad nights per week a year ago. The short answer to my own question is you do what you have to do. When he has a bad night, I always let him nap for 30 mins if he falls asleep in the car. I think people at his school has gotten used to seeing him asleep in my arms.

Bad nights seems to be 1-2 a week

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When everything went downhill J was averaging 3-4 bad nights per week. It’s been a dramatic improvement over the last year. He’s down to 1-2 bad nights a week and last few weeks been just 1 rather than 2. Unpredictable and we’ve been trying sleep earlier, sleep later, nap, no nap, weighted blanket, no blanket, sleep with him, not, think you get the point. Funny how it boils down to unpredictable but at the same time predicable. He had a bad night yesterday and today he fell asleep in the car ride to school. I let him get a short nap and carried him in since it was too cold in the car. The whole time I was holding him everyone would stare and comment. I get why people stare and understand why they comment. I vogued not to stare or make any comment next time I see anyone in any situation where most people will stare and comment. I am not bothered by the stares and comments but it got tiring answering, yes he’s asleep and had a bad night. I just wanted to stare at his beautiful face without being interrupted. I suppose watching him sleep is like the sunshine after the rain. Hearing him cry for so long is heartbreaking so watching him snooze away is my cure. I’m amazed how the other two kiddos sleep through it. I suppose the three of them are just a perfect match. Did I mentioned, I love watching him sleep! I’m able […]

Sick kids is really no fun

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Happy, Sleeping Issues, Struggles, The others

It’s been such a long time since I made an update. A lot been going on and we’ve been just overwhelmed. Kids been sick and sick and sick again. I swear it feels like they have been sick for almost a month. JB got better and then he is sick again. The same goes for baby girl, she just finished a round of antibiotics and looks like she has an eye infection. How is that even possible? JB probably has the worst string of bad nights due to his congested nose. We tried everything we can think of from more pillows, to diffuser and oils, vicks rub, tiger balm, minty steamy room and the good old humidifier but the poor bugger is just so uncomfortable. He simply does not do well with with a cold and is the last person I wish get sick in the family. We will trek through this and get to better nights. Aside from the madness with sick kids, my mother in law was diagnosed with cancer and she recently had surgery. I’ve discovered that the wait to find out anything is really the scariest part. We are still waiting to get confirmation on if the cancer has spread to other areas. The good news is the operation was successful and she is healing well. Honestly health is so important. We been trying to visit more but I think my three kids cause more noise and chaos at this point. The hubby thinks the kids […]

Bad nights for too many nights

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Sleeping Issues, Struggles, Uncategorized

We’ve lost count of how many nights it’s been since a good night. This has got to be the worse string of bad nights ever. He typically up 2-6 am and some nights he is crying for the full hour before resting for a bit only to continue the crying. On the bright side he doesn’t demand to go downstairs anymore and lays in bed playing at first and then crying when he is exhausted and tired. I suppose so many bad nights gets to you and the hubby tapped out at 8pm and here I am taking over. When will this child sleep? I’m exhausted and have a long night ahead of me. We’ve tried everything we can think of but he still wakes up for hours. Hope this bad night streak ends tonight.

Congested and can’t breath means up all night

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I knew it would be a bad night and as much as I tried to make it more comfortable for him he was still up all night. It didn’t help the husband turned on the diffuser for just an hour instead on continuously on. JB was probably up around 2am and stayed up all night. By 8am, he was just exhausted and every little thing led to full blown crying. After calming on the yoga ball, he laid in bed and fell asleep at 9am. Guess no school today for him and hopefully this nap will do him well. As I was going to refill the diffuser with water and oil this morning, I discovered the husband must have just turned it on for 1 hour. The buttons on the side shows 1 hour, 3 hour, 6 hours, or just on. I bet he hit it once not realizing he has to click it several times for continuous on. It is not the smartest button function but I should of reminded him to check to ensure it is pressed enough times to be just on all night. Too bad, because if it was on, I do think JB would of slept better. Beginning of week and hope the worse sick day was yesterday.

JB is sick :-(

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Sleeping Issues, Struggles, The others

Baby girl was sick a few days ago and now it has been passed on to JB. He woke up from nap today and was not having it. When he is sick, everything sucks. He is likely the most dramatic boy ever when he is sick. I get it, it is not comfortable and he just doesn’t know how to work with the discomfort. Can’t blame him, I am miserable when I’m sick. I’ve been wanting to write about this diffuser for a while. I got it on Amazon and the seller had excellent customer service. I don’t typically write reviews unless it went horribly wrong or so impressive. I was really impressed with how they handled my email when I contacted letting them know the diffuser stopped working after a few days. Back to the diffuser, I really didn’t need all the jazz as long as it was good enough to handle the night. I mixed in eucalyptus, mint and just started incorporating lavender. It seems to do the trick to clear up the nose so at least they can sleep. Tonight, I got extra worried and added a hot cup of hot menthol ointment. What I do is boil hot water and add a few teaspoon of menthol ointment and leave it on top of the vent. It cleared baby girl’s nose within a few minutes to allow her to drink milk so clearly it works. She fell asleep quickly but looks like JB is still struggling. At […]

Switching task with your partner makes you appreciate them more

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Happy, Sleeping Issues, Struggles, The others

For night duties, I usually put big one and little one to bed while the hubby takes care of JB. Since JB sleeps so late, I’m usually able to spend some quality 1:1 time with him since the other two are asleep. However the hubby is typically the one to take him to bed. I do it from time to time as needed and each time I do it I appreciate my husband more. Its not easy watching over him so he doesn’t run out of his room or take off all his clothes. With the sleep sack, luckily he hasn’t defeated the zipper yet so removing clothes is not an issue right now. JB gets really happy before bed probably because both the hubby and I can give him quality undivided time. Being too happy usually means he has harder time to settle in and also sometimes lead to mad crying episodes where he just don’t want to go bed. Being non verbal is frustrating for him if he just wants something downstairs but unable to communicate that to us. We are trying to calm him down and get him ready for sleepy state but that boy has a mind of his own. He jumps not only on the bed but also on you. I mentioned he is starting to be more affectionate which is perfect but comes with some bruises. Seeing stars is a common occurrence if you are not careful. He doesn’t mean to  hurt us but […]

Kisses from him makes me want to freeze the time and enjoy the moments just a bit longer

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It’s been a while since I made an update. We have started a Hanen Program called More Than Words through Adventure place, the City of Toronto’s speech services. It has been great and but a bit repetitive for me since I just finished the DVD. The book and DVD is available through Hanen’s website or even online on Amazon. It is also available at your local public library which is where I got mine. It teaches you ways to communicate with your child and you watch videos of other families as real life examples. More on this later but back to my medication for the day. Yesterday was a rough night where the hubby was sick so I put JB to bed. I was planning for an early night to catch up on some sleep but let’s just say there was very little sleeping. I use to put JB to bed too but its been a while since I’ve done that. I completely forgot how exhausting it is. He plays and jumps and moves around before settling in which is fine if he doesn’t hurt me. I think I got two good whack where I literally saw stars. They were more like sparks of light but I see why people say they see stars. No jokes this boy is gaining strength by the day. My energy level was drained out so fast I think I fell asleep before he did. He didn’t sleep till midnight and after he slept, my […]

Having a good week

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Happy, Sleeping Issues, Struggles

Been a very good week and think his pee strike is over. He goes pee when we take him and been having next to no pee accidents. Poo on the other hand is still the same ole same ole. Actually he hasn’t been smearing or playing with his poo since the last incident I posted. I think we can say he is not a poo smearer, thank goodness. If he is we will have to deal with it but with my ocd it was not entirely fun. His sleeping been good, think we only had 2 days of waking up super early or should I say late at night. Funny how I think 2 days is a good week but 2 days is better than 3 or 4. It is all about perspectives and I like to count my wins. I think what has improved dramatically is he no longer bawl his eyes out when he wakes up at 3ish 4 am. He seems happy and lays in bed for a while playing and when he is ready he goes to the gate and hubby goes down to start the day with him. I can pretty much confirm he is a stripper. We have caught him way too many times and he seems to like to take off ALL his clothing. As I mentioned, our school near us has a diagnostic kindergarden that I enrolled JB for next year. Everyday as I walk my older one to school I see […]

Happy Day

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Week two of new daycare but the place call themselves “school”. We did a 6 week summer try out and was happy so we decided to continue trying it. He had a one to one for the summer program so everything was good. Last week was first week of “school” and they implemented a gradual schedule where Wednesday, Thursday and Friday is only for 3 hours. This is officially week two but also first full day. Overall he seems very happy when daddy picked up and even napped on way back. He woke up from nap himself so wasn’t his grumpy self when we have to wake him. Ate his dinner happy and was giggling all night. Love love love his happy days. Wish he can only have happy days forever. Love watching him play when the other two kiddies are sleeping. Even caught a video of him spinning in circle and posted it on Instagram. Too happy and excited before bed and looks like he’s going to struggle to go sleep. My sweet child, please sleep soon.

Poo smearing and taking off clothes

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When JB was first diagnosed, I went to a parenting group shortly after and the first session made me feel a million times better. I got to hear other people’s struggle and it made me realized that JB isn’t that bad. Yes he has a sleeping issue but at least he has good nights. At least he doesn’t smear poo or take off his clothes and run out the door. I felt horrible on the one hand hearing other families having to go through so much but on the other hand so very thankful JB doesn’t do that, at least yet. I’m pleased to say his potty training for peeing has been so amazing and we are so very proud of him for being able to hold it for so long. Poo on the other hand, not good at all. We have had a few poo successes but I really think that is contribution to good luck in terms of timing. His poo messes were first contained within his underwear but now he takes off his pants and underwear. One time we found him in the bath tub with his clothes off and quite a mess to clean but we thought that’s good sign how he understands it’s dirty and he wants a bath. Last two days we been noticing he likes to take off his shirt. Today he took off his shirt and pants and underwear after he did his business. It was a complete disaster, the poo was […]

Random sadness breaks my heart

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Today JB was extremely sad and kept crying for over an hour. He didn’t fall or hurt himself but something must be bothering him. It so sad to watch him go into these sad spells. I wish there is more I can do to offer him some comfort. I can’t help but to think could it be the new camp? Is he telling me he doesn’t like it there? His camp councillor seems very nice and even held him for over an hour today because he fell asleep. Could it be the transition? We think it has to do with him transitioning to no nap. To be honest, I would love him to continue napping as it gives me time to prep for dinner and tidy up. Also this transition turns him to a grumpy monster who constantly cries and whines for anything. We will get pass this, it is likely just a phase. I’ll hang in there.  

Geneva Centre Summer Camp

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Tomorrow wraps up week one at Geneva Centre. He is only doing two weeks there so we are almost at our half way mark. Communication has been very smooth and staff seems very nice. I like how they travel near and far to everywhere for him to get more experience. It has been tough this week with 3 days of no naps at home but today we got him to nap so it was a bit better. I wonder if it is the new environment or is he ready for dropping the nap? If he is ready, why is he so grumpy then? Or is this just the transition where he doesn’t want the nap but by 4:30pm he is just too exhausted.

From sad to the saddest person alive in a few seconds

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Unsure why this boy was so sad today. Perhaps it’s because he slept for only 5 mins and woke up ready to pounce at the world or could it be his new camp? His camp councillor said he had a great first day and everyone loves him there because he is the youngest and so cute. However, new environments terrifies me more than him. I hate changing his camps but the previous  one ended for the summer. I don’t get it, what kind of summer camp ends August 10? You have almost a full month before school starts. On the bright side its 10pm and he is already asleep. I recorded him today as I watched him for a long time go from sad to the saddest person alive. I’ve witness this before and find it so puzzling as I can’t seem to explain why he is so upset. I actually found him sobbing on his pillow silently. Something has to be bugging this beautiful child of mine for him to be sobbing. It kills me literally watching my precious child sob in silence. Are you in pain? Do you feel there are a million ants crawling up your body? How can mommy help you? The feeling of helplessness is such a deep pain that is indescribable. What I would do and give up just to take this away from you my love. I am fully aware that I am a worrisome mom and most of the time I overthink […]

New norm is waking up at 3 am one to twice a week

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When we first started being concern JB was waking up 1-4 times a night between the hours of 2-4 and staying up for 3-4 hours. So if he was up at 2am he will cry till 5ish 6am or if he was up at 3am he would cry till 6ish 7. We use to let him sleep in on bad nights and just do half day for daycare. After we took him out of that daycare he’s been much better. I think a lot of it is frustration, hunger and lack of sleep and by removing him from daycare we were able to concentrate on satisfying his needs. Anyways he has been doing so well that I forgot what it felt like doing the late night zombie hours. We are starting to notice a new routine, waking up 1-2 times a week at 3ish am and staying up. On the bright side he doesn’t cry for 3-4 hours anymore . he plays for a bit before getting hungry and frustrated. Yes he cries still but not endless crying for hours. Is it ideal to wake up at 3am and stay up? Hell no. Is it better than him waking up for 3-4 hours of screaming/crying bloody hell? YES YES YES. It’s easy to say yes when you are not the one waking up with him at 3am but I am certain I speak for the husband that he rather our son wakes up 1-2 times a week at 3 am […]

How are you not exhausted from sobbing like that?

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I feel so exhausted when I sob for 5 minutes, how do you manage to do it for over an hour? Why are you so sad my love? What can I do for you my baby? No nap automatically equals bad night. It is very frustrating when you are super exhausted and have trouble falling asleep. I’ve experienced it and it’s not fun, I don’t expect a 3 year old taking it any better. Although I know why you are frustrated I still struggle to hear you sob for so long. Car ride to knock was him out, oh the things you do as a parent! I use to think parents who drive around for their kids to sleep were insane. After my first kid, I no longer think that way. You do what you got to do. I am no longer judgmental and a much better person. Everyone has a reason why they do what they do.  

Is sharing really caring?

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Happy, Sleeping Issues, Struggles, The others

JB been doing really well taking turns with us meaning me and hubby only. The issue is he got a younger baby sister and older big brother that likes to play with toys as well. I know we need to work on the social skills of taking turns and sharing and I’ve been trying that at home however I’m in a dilemma because this causes him to go into a meltdown. Most of the time we are able to distract the older child with something else and they all seem happy but with the baby sister she clearly has little reasoning skill and don’t understand sharing. You will see JB grab all his toys and run to corner to play alone rather than have his sister pull his hair and steal his toys. Can’t say I blame him, but he can be mean sometimes and push his sister or grab the toy back more rough than I like. So my question is: Is sharing really caring? I’m leaning towards no. If he has to share with her, he gets very angry and likely won’t like her as much. Think I’m going to try the approach of not making him share his toys with her so he can like her a bit more. What are your thoughts? On a side note, he didn’t want to nap today so hoping he will sleep early to catch up on some snoozing time.

We think he requested to use washroom today

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If you haven’t been reading up on our potty training posts, we started training and he is doing amazing. The only accidents are number twos. He hasn’t done his number two business for 3 days and usually he is a daily goer and pretty predicable. Yes yes, we keep track of their (our kid’s) daily washroom routines, it’s just a parent thing. You know some start a conversation about weather but we discuss our children’s poo. Back on topic, he pointed down there and the hubby took it as a request to pee but when he sat down, three days worth of poo came out. I was so so so excited I wanted to run down and hug him but unfortunately baby sister needed me. I’m going to call that a request to use washroom. Until tomorrow and hopefully he will tell us he needs to use the washroom. I wanted to give him the world for being so smart. The little things in life that excites me lol. I truly love him to the moon and back and back and back. My little baby is growing up and I’m the proudest mommy in the world. Last week was bad with constant crying, waking up at 3 am and 5 am and downright frustration and anger. Today was the same as he seemed so upset. Had to resort to taking him on walk and park to calm him. He was still angry after a shower but he seem okay after […]

Sleeping Issues: Perspectives

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The husband had to wake up at 5am this morning because JB was screaming bloody murder at 5am. Thankful the big one slept through that and the little sister didn’t take forever to go back to sleep as usual. All in all the husband was the real loser with only 4 hours of sleep. Why did I titled this as perspectives? The husband’s sister came over today and when we told her about it she was shocked and said oh my but my husband replied it’s better than waking up at 3am. We all laughed but it is so true. As sad as 5am is, it is much better than 3am and since we had a 3 am just a few days ago, 5am is much much better. Everything in life is about perspectives. I have learned that our bad night/day could be someone’s very good day/night. Comparing isn’t the key but in reality it makes me feel that better in a sense that our situation is manageable and we can work through it. Hope is a very powerful thing. I can only hope tonight is a better night. Sleep deprivation is real and I must give credit to the husband for still being so patient and loving. It melts my heart when he holds JB up close and cradle his head telling our son how precious and how much he loves him. As much as sleep deprivation is real the love a father has for his son is truly […]

Bad night or would you call it super early morning

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JB woke up at 3am and started crying bloody hell. I guess he couldn’t fall back asleep and for was ready to start the day. Start the day he did with the husband but unfortunately he woke up baby sister and she  was ready to start the day too. Bad sleep must be contagious because she  woke up on the hour and while clearly still sleepy she was ready to go play. While I got more sleep than the husband it was restless sleep where I’m not fully sleeping. Why must these kids try to kill their mom and dad by waking so early? When JB is angry he stays angry for a while and sound proof walls can’t contain his noise or that the contractor lied and either put the crappiest sound proof. It’s been a while since his last episode, looking back I’m not sure how we survived 1-4 bad nights a week or very week. The worse was when he has the bad nights back to back where we have 8 bad nights in a roll. Guess I’ll gladly take the occasional bad nights. Still love him to the moon and back.    

You never get use to your child crying at night

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Some stuff gets easier as the days go by and you learn how to deal with it but the truth is you will never get use to your child crying at night. It deeply saddens me the number of nights per week this child of mine cries for. I wish very much I can take away whatever frustration you are experiencing as a good night sleep is so crucial for your little growing body. You just need a good sleep to have a chance to have a good day. JB been mastering peeing but the next step is to work on communicating to us when he needs to go. Poo on the other hand, not there yet. I’m still super excited to see him successfully pee in the potty. I’m so proud of him. Go to sleep soon my love. Tomorrow is a new day to play and learn.

Bad Night

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What a bad night, he was up crying from 2:30-7am. That has to be the longest stretch up at night. Typically, he is up for only 3 hours but today he was up 4.5 hours. I can handle tantrums but when he is crying endlessly at night it is just heartbreaking.