Happy

Happy 5th birthday Jay

Wow were do I even begin. How is it even possible that you are 5. I might just change my site to letterstomybabies instead of caringautism. I’ve been meaning to write this letter for some time but with COVID things are just so busy. 5 is a small, but yet a big number. When we started our autism journey, I read so much about when will autistic children speak and they say usually by age 5 if verbal. I’ve learned not to put an age limit on your speech. I’ve learned that speech and communication is not the same and what I really want is for you to communicate. I’ve learned there are many ways of communications. That communication is more than words. You’ve come a long way in your communication and we are doing very well with your Proloquo2go. I’m blown away at what you know and constantly amazed by how smart you are.

The big 5 is really emotional for me as my fears of you growing stronger and running faster is kicking in. I can no longer hold you down when you go into a melt down to try to calm you. I have to try really hard to catch up to you when you run. I’ve considered not giving you so much food but who doesn’t like it when you are full and happy and all giggly. It also doesn’t help when you go on food strike and I feel the need for you to make up for all those days you barely ate. Mommy will work on her fitness so she can hopefully keep up with you.

With COVID, all your therapies have been put on hold. It is our new reality but you are coping with it very well for most days. We’ve seen more of a struggle lately but I know we will work around it. Baby, we’ve come such a long way and I’m so proud of all your accomplishments. You are so lucky to have a big brother who takes care of you, and your little sister is getting a tad less annoying with her screams and bossiness. It melts my heart to see the three of you interact and play together which is really a rare moment, but moments like that is what I’ll cherish forever.

I do very much wish to be able to get a glimpse of why you have these sad episode and cry endlessly. It is sad watching your little body struggle for so long, it breaks my heart but I will always be there for you. You can count on my awful singing and annoying gentle touches when you tolerate it. You will never cry alone, I can promise you that.

You bring out the best in me and your presence brings me so much joy. I can always count on your sweet little smile and smirk to warm my day. You are the most gentle and sweet little boy ever. Sometimes I do wish you would not be so polite but that’s just who you are, and I love you for it. Your little kisses are truly the best and I love the way you hug. I know I can be super annoying asking for so many but if you don’t give it so cute I wouldn’t ask for some many. I love how you are so independent now. I love how you can ride a bike and catch a ball. I love your dare devil side and how you think you can get away with stuff by being so sneaky. I love the way you eat certain food like lollipop, popsicle and ice cream. I love how you like cake now. I love how you can communicate with us by requesting for “I” “want” “crackers”. There are many things we still need to work on but I love working on it for you and with you. In case you didn’t realized, I love you. I love you now, I love you always and I love you forever. I look forward to another great year of discovering all the things you already know and learning things together. I am your biggest fan although you have so many. Happy birthday my beautiful child.

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