7 years ago I married my best friend and my soul mate and that was truly one of my best decisions ever. Funny fact, that previous line was stolen from
my husband’s wedding vows. Together we build our first home and welcomed 3 beautiful children. Having children really changes one’s relationship, well at least for us. The sleepless nights can really get to you especially when you are outnumbered.
The added stress of one them with autism most certainly tested our marriage even more. Despite the challenges, I got to know my husband even more with our son’s diagnosis. I never thought I could appreciate this man even more, but you can. The love he has for JB is so heartwarming to witness. I’m truly blessed to have found someone who I call my husband and my children call daddy, who loves them just as much as I do. The love we have for our children, like all parents is indescribable. I am still unsure how you can love someone so unconditionally but you when you become a parent you will understand.
Even on sleepless nights and exhausting days, no matter how frustrating it gets, this husband of mine almost always outperform my expectations. lol yes I’m realistic so I used the word almost always. There are days where the exhaustion gets the better of him. We’ve all done things where we could of done better. I’m going to lie and say we are perfect parents because we are not. We do strive to do our best given the circumstances but I will admit we’ve made too many not so smart decisions. The husband like to call them learning outcomes for improvement next time.
Let me give you an example, we decided to take the kids to Wonderland to watch fireworks for labour day weekend which was a huge mistake. He convinced me that it will be a good experience for Mase and JB. It was horrible and not smart one bit! JB threw a fit and threw his trains down the bridge and got even more frustrated. Mase was so tired since it was way pass his bedtime and baby girl wasn’t have it either. As we struggled to wait for the fireworks, we realized standing on the bridge to watch this was a mistake. They didn’t shoot it from the mountains as we thought and the trees was blocking half the view. As we all struggled, we tried very hard to make it good for Mase. I think Mase was the only one who got to enjoy it which is a win for us because at least one of them enjoyed it. I don’t even want to begin telling you how was the drive out of the parking lot. It was a true nightmare. We cut some corners but still took us a good 40 minutes to get out of the lot. If we didn’t do some illegal driving, it would of easily taken us over 2-3 hours.
The not so smart decisions continues the next day where we thought it would be nice to celebrate our anniversary at a restaurant where you cook your own food. Why no earth would we think that cooking our own food is a good idea with 3 babies. Let’s just say that will be crossed off our list until we forget why it’s crossed off. Point is, we make not so smart decisions all the time aka we have a lot of learning experiences.
Back to my intention of this blog, having more kids than adults is hard enough but with one of them with special needs is very very hard. Maybe when they are older it will get easier but right now they are 1, 3 and 5 and it is very hard. The struggles we face is pretty much a daily battle. My heart hurts almost on a daily basis when I see JB struggle. When JB struggles, I struggle too. Despite the challenges, I’m happy to have someone by my side to pull me up when I fall too hard. Having someone remind you that things will be okay when you feel desperate makes a huge difference. If you are in a similar situation, I don’t feel confident to say things will be better for you later on but it will be okay. Take it one day at a time.