Happy Birthday my beautiful 4 year old

J where do mommy even start? You are such a beautiful soul and when you smile you light up my whole world. There is something about your smile that just makes everything better. I want to wish you a very happy birthday and want to let you know words cannot express my love for you.

Mommy is so sorry and wishes there’s more she can do for you when you get into your sad spells. Watching you hurt yourself brings tremendous pain to me more than you can ever imagine. As you are growing, so does your strength and I know those punches must hurt. Whatever frustrates you so much for the need to hurt yourself must be hard. Mommy wishes she can take that away from you and if she could, she would do it as fast as a heart beat. Sometimes, I’m likely the cause of your frustrations because I’m not understanding your way of communication. Please know that I’m trying very hard and please be patient with us. Being non verbal is difficult but together we will learn and find a way of communicating even without words. You’ve come such a long way and I want you to know how very proud we are.

Turning 4 means you start school this fall. It’s a big milestone and I’m not sure I’m ready for this one. I know you will figure it all out like you always do and I fully trust that you will but there are people out there who are simply not nice. I very much wish you don’t have to encounter them but the truth is I know you will. While mommy may not be by your side at the playground, I will always stand by your side forever and always. Both me and daddy along with your big brother and little sister will always have you back.

I’m not going to lie, your autism brings many difficult challenges but I want you to know it also brings such beautiful qualities. Your patient is truly out of the world. I often say your big brother is the best big brother in the world but in fact this award goes out to you too. You both are so loving to your little snobby sister. Most of the time you allow her to steal all your stuff and you just wait there patiently till she’s done. I sometimes wish you would fight for your toys back but you are just a gentle sweetheart. You have given me so much more than I can ever ask for. You’ve truly made me a better person. In fact I feel pretty confident to say you’ve made so many around you better people

I’ve noticed your magic from a very young age and I’m so lucky to have you. You are such an extraordinary little human and you never fail to amaze me each and every day.

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