I went into this meeting thinking what if they don’t think he needs diagnosis kindergarten and feel he is fine at regular class. As I was voicing my concerns to hubby, he says how on earth will they think he doesn’t need diagnosis kindergarten and I agreed. However, I put up my fight stance regardless in case I need to fight. I do think I was overthinking especially after the fact. The meeting went well and essentially the consultant is in the same page and agrees with us he needs the diagnostic class.
This is what I wanted but at the same time the reality is starting to kick in. That my child will not be going to the regular kindergarten. Is it okay, sure, but it is also sad to me. I’ve been emotional all week because he’s been having a bad week with consistent sadness and crying. Something has to be up since he is refusing to eat. I initially thought I’m sad because he is sad but upon writing this it made me realized I’m sad because he can’t go to regular kindergarten.
I really thought I’ve came to terms with his autism. It’s been over a year since the diagnosis and I haven’t bawled for almost a year. I’ve had sadness and tears roll down my eyes when the struggles get hard but full on sobbing, I thought I was done with that. Boy was I wrong. I think it didn’t help since I also filled in summer applications for camps and all the questions the form ask for made me realized my child likely won’t get accepted into those camps because of his special needs. I was filling forms for one on one support but one of the requirements is he needs to be fully potty trained and be able to wipe his own bm. We rarely have an issue there with his current school since he is a regular and never goes during school hours but the school is also a special school and willing to work with us on that. This camp might not be the right one for us anyways if they can’t support the toileting. It’s just so overwhelming to be selecting all the items he can and cannot do yet. I know it just means I have to move on and find something else that is more suitable for us.
I started drafting this yesterday and was very emotional and had to stop. Finishing off today with a positive attitude that yes, he can’t attend regular kindergarden but that’s okay. He will attend diagnostic kindergarden and there will be more support for him and the smaller ratio will help. If he don’t qualify for one camp, I’ll just have to look harder for one that is suitable for him. He has me, his daddy, his brother and sister and together we will figure it all out. For those on this autism journey, it is okay to have weak moments and feel sad. Go ahead and take the time and be sad. After that passes, you have to stand strong again because your little human relies on you to be strong for them. Today is a new day and if it turns out to be bad again, I have tomorrow.