The others

My 6 year old baby

It seems like yesterday when I wrote your 5 year old letter and now you are 6. You are such a blessing and honestly the best big brother out there in the world. Your patient and understanding is truly out of the world for someone your age. Everyone loves you because you are simply so lovable. I’m so proud to call you my baby and just so you know you will forever be my baby.

I feel tremendous guilty for not giving you as much time and attention as you deserve. As hard as we try I am fully aware there are too many situations where you are left out. When things get hectic and it happens, we tell you to wait while we calm your brother. As daddy deals with your brother, I’m often dealing with your baby sister. You have no idea how bad it makes me feel, because after all you are still a child. How do I go asking you to wait when your concerns are just as important. Just because you are not kicking and screaming doesn’t mean you are not important. You are very and most of all equally as important as your two siblings. However you kids outnumber us and there are times when we have to leave you waiting. On the bright side as your sister grows and needs less of my attention things will get easier (I hope). I know it is unfair to get bedtime stories with her by our sides while she tries to rip the book or pull your hair. It melts my heart when you say you like her there and wish she can sleep with you even after you are in tears from what she did. The love you have towards your two younger siblings is so sweet to watch. They are both blessed to call you big brother. You are so sweet, kind, empathetic, patient, giving and such a beautiful soul.

I think about how your brother’s autism affects you all the time. When I watched the movie Wonder, I cried my eyes out because I feel that you are very similar to the sister Via. Although she understands why her parents drops everything to take care of her brother doesn’t mean she doesn’t feel sad or left out when they do. Often I feel you are being robbed of your time and I know it is not easy being an autism sibling. The challenges are even harder since you kids are all so young and needy. When I watched the TV show This Is Us, I cried so much because I can relate and feel that our family can relate. lol ok maybe I just like to cry a lot now and tears is just a natural thing. Baby boy, mommy will always be your number one fan and strive to be your best friend. Your unconditional love towards your siblings without the expectations of love in return is admirable and thank you for that.

There are times I compensate your neglect with treats and toys. For your birthday this year you really want to go SkyZone. After looking into it and seeing how expensive it is, you actually tried to convince me that you can just have a birthday with only your family at home to save money. You got daddy at “it’s ok we don’t need to go to SkyZone” and SkyZone was booked immediately. I sometimes question if this will spoil you and turn you into a bratty little boy, but the truth is I don’t think you have it in you to be a brat. Commodity does not equal love but we think you deserve it very much. You likely don’t need it but it makes mommy feel better to see your bright eyes and big smile, it lights up my heart.

You never fail to amaze me and you amaze me each and everyday. Continue being who you are, we all love you to the moon and back, moon and back and moon and back a kigillion times.

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