Struggles

Non verbal frustration from being sick

The last week has been terrible. This boy is truly the last person I want sick in the family. I’ve known this since little sister was just a newborn. I much rather have her sick than Jay. lol that sounds a tad unfair to say and I really do love all my children and seeing any of them sick brings pain to my heart. I get it, you can breath, you have no appetite, you are tired and your basic necessity can’t be communicated quickly when you need it. I’m sorry it took us so long to realized that all you wanted was just water. You were crying in bed and we were trying to quickly put your brother and sister to bed so we can come back to you. This feeling of helplessness eats me up alive especially since this was not the first occasion you needed something so basic that I didn’t get. I will try harder and harder next time.

Watching a sick child breaks my heart. I can’t be sure if he is feeling pain in maybe his throat or ears or stomach. I’m super vigilant in watching for cues but when he isn’t able to tell me, I’m always worried. Sister was able to tell me her tummy was hurting and every time she tells me something I so wish Jay can do the same. I don’t dwell on it forever but as she tells me she needs water, I think for a few second how Jay would be so much happier if he can tell me that he needs water. We are working on the Prologuo2go but there’s disadvantages of using that as a way of communication. I need to be there to hear his request through the device and we are new at this and haven’t worked out a system yet. It is much faster to get his water vs getting the iPad and asking him what he needs. I get it, we have to keep learning to use the device as a way of communication and the only way to do that is to learn. He will eventually understand it is much faster to get the device and bring it to us vs crying. Not a fun learning curve but something that needs to be done.

As he approaches 5 in a few months, I wonder will he become verbal? I’ve read so many research that 5 is usually the cut off where if a kid speaks they will before this magical age. Not that I’m losing hope but as his birthday creeps up I’m more aware of this magical cut off. I thought I come to terms with him being non-verbal and been working hard to communicate through the device but I supposed a big part of me really wants him to speak. Words are so powerful and I so desperately want to hear his sweet voice call me mommy. I just need to remind myself that love need no words. It is tough when he is sick but it is also a phase that will be over. He will be back to his happy self and things will be a bit easier.

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