Bad nights seems to be 1-2 a week

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When everything went downhill J was averaging 3-4 bad nights per week. It’s been a dramatic improvement over the last year. He’s down to 1-2 bad nights a week and last few weeks been just 1 rather than 2. Unpredictable and we’ve been trying sleep earlier, sleep later, nap, no nap, weighted blanket, no blanket, sleep with him, not, think you get the point. Funny how it boils down to unpredictable but at the same time predicable. He had a bad night yesterday and today he fell asleep in the car ride to school. I let him get a short nap and carried him in since it was too cold in the car. The whole time I was holding him everyone would stare and comment. I get why people stare and understand why they comment. I vogued not to stare or make any comment next time I see anyone in any situation where most people will stare and comment. I am not bothered by the stares and comments but it got tiring answering, yes he’s asleep and had a bad night. I just wanted to stare at his beautiful face without being interrupted. I suppose watching him sleep is like the sunshine after the rain. Hearing him cry for so long is heartbreaking so watching him snooze away is my cure. I’m amazed how the other two kiddos sleep through it. I suppose the three of them are just a perfect match. Did I mentioned, I love watching him sleep! I’m able […]

Sick kids is really no fun

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Happy, Sleeping Issues, Struggles, The others

It’s been such a long time since I made an update. A lot been going on and we’ve been just overwhelmed. Kids been sick and sick and sick again. I swear it feels like they have been sick for almost a month. JB got better and then he is sick again. The same goes for baby girl, she just finished a round of antibiotics and looks like she has an eye infection. How is that even possible? JB probably has the worst string of bad nights due to his congested nose. We tried everything we can think of from more pillows, to diffuser and oils, vicks rub, tiger balm, minty steamy room and the good old humidifier but the poor bugger is just so uncomfortable. He simply does not do well with with a cold and is the last person I wish get sick in the family. We will trek through this and get to better nights. Aside from the madness with sick kids, my mother in law was diagnosed with cancer and she recently had surgery. I’ve discovered that the wait to find out anything is really the scariest part. We are still waiting to get confirmation on if the cancer has spread to other areas. The good news is the operation was successful and she is healing well. Honestly health is so important. We been trying to visit more but I think my three kids cause more noise and chaos at this point. The hubby thinks the kids […]

Bad nights for too many nights

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Sleeping Issues, Struggles, Uncategorized

We’ve lost count of how many nights it’s been since a good night. This has got to be the worse string of bad nights ever. He typically up 2-6 am and some nights he is crying for the full hour before resting for a bit only to continue the crying. On the bright side he doesn’t demand to go downstairs anymore and lays in bed playing at first and then crying when he is exhausted and tired. I suppose so many bad nights gets to you and the hubby tapped out at 8pm and here I am taking over. When will this child sleep? I’m exhausted and have a long night ahead of me. We’ve tried everything we can think of but he still wakes up for hours. Hope this bad night streak ends tonight.

Having a good week

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Been a very good week and think his pee strike is over. He goes pee when we take him and been having next to no pee accidents. Poo on the other hand is still the same ole same ole. Actually he hasn’t been smearing or playing with his poo since the last incident I posted. I think we can say he is not a poo smearer, thank goodness. If he is we will have to deal with it but with my ocd it was not entirely fun. His sleeping been good, think we only had 2 days of waking up super early or should I say late at night. Funny how I think 2 days is a good week but 2 days is better than 3 or 4. It is all about perspectives and I like to count my wins. I think what has improved dramatically is he no longer bawl his eyes out when he wakes up at 3ish 4 am. He seems happy and lays in bed for a while playing and when he is ready he goes to the gate and hubby goes down to start the day with him. I can pretty much confirm he is a stripper. We have caught him way too many times and he seems to like to take off ALL his clothing. As I mentioned, our school near us has a diagnostic kindergarden that I enrolled JB for next year. Everyday as I walk my older one to school I see […]

From sad to the saddest person alive in a few seconds

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Sleeping Issues, Struggles

Unsure why this boy was so sad today. Perhaps it’s because he slept for only 5 mins and woke up ready to pounce at the world or could it be his new camp? His camp councillor said he had a great first day and everyone loves him there because he is the youngest and so cute. However, new environments terrifies me more than him. I hate changing his camps but the previous  one ended for the summer. I don’t get it, what kind of summer camp ends August 10? You have almost a full month before school starts. On the bright side its 10pm and he is already asleep. I recorded him today as I watched him for a long time go from sad to the saddest person alive. I’ve witness this before and find it so puzzling as I can’t seem to explain why he is so upset. I actually found him sobbing on his pillow silently. Something has to be bugging this beautiful child of mine for him to be sobbing. It kills me literally watching my precious child sob in silence. Are you in pain? Do you feel there are a million ants crawling up your body? How can mommy help you? The feeling of helplessness is such a deep pain that is indescribable. What I would do and give up just to take this away from you my love. I am fully aware that I am a worrisome mom and most of the time I overthink […]

New norm is waking up at 3 am one to twice a week

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When we first started being concern JB was waking up 1-4 times a night between the hours of 2-4 and staying up for 3-4 hours. So if he was up at 2am he will cry till 5ish 6am or if he was up at 3am he would cry till 6ish 7. We use to let him sleep in on bad nights and just do half day for daycare. After we took him out of that daycare he’s been much better. I think a lot of it is frustration, hunger and lack of sleep and by removing him from daycare we were able to concentrate on satisfying his needs. Anyways he has been doing so well that I forgot what it felt like doing the late night zombie hours. We are starting to notice a new routine, waking up 1-2 times a week at 3ish am and staying up. On the bright side he doesn’t cry for 3-4 hours anymore . he plays for a bit before getting hungry and frustrated. Yes he cries still but not endless crying for hours. Is it ideal to wake up at 3am and stay up? Hell no. Is it better than him waking up for 3-4 hours of screaming/crying bloody hell? YES YES YES. It’s easy to say yes when you are not the one waking up with him at 3am but I am certain I speak for the husband that he rather our son wakes up 1-2 times a week at 3 am […]

How are you not exhausted from sobbing like that?

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Sleeping Issues, Struggles

I feel so exhausted when I sob for 5 minutes, how do you manage to do it for over an hour? Why are you so sad my love? What can I do for you my baby? No nap automatically equals bad night. It is very frustrating when you are super exhausted and have trouble falling asleep. I’ve experienced it and it’s not fun, I don’t expect a 3 year old taking it any better. Although I know why you are frustrated I still struggle to hear you sob for so long. Car ride to knock was him out, oh the things you do as a parent! I use to think parents who drive around for their kids to sleep were insane. After my first kid, I no longer think that way. You do what you got to do. I am no longer judgmental and a much better person. Everyone has a reason why they do what they do.  

We think he requested to use washroom today

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Happy, Sleeping Issues, Struggles

If you haven’t been reading up on our potty training posts, we started training and he is doing amazing. The only accidents are number twos. He hasn’t done his number two business for 3 days and usually he is a daily goer and pretty predicable. Yes yes, we keep track of their (our kid’s) daily washroom routines, it’s just a parent thing. You know some start a conversation about weather but we discuss our children’s poo. Back on topic, he pointed down there and the hubby took it as a request to pee but when he sat down, three days worth of poo came out. I was so so so excited I wanted to run down and hug him but unfortunately baby sister needed me. I’m going to call that a request to use washroom. Until tomorrow and hopefully he will tell us he needs to use the washroom. I wanted to give him the world for being so smart. The little things in life that excites me lol. I truly love him to the moon and back and back and back. My little baby is growing up and I’m the proudest mommy in the world. Last week was bad with constant crying, waking up at 3 am and 5 am and downright frustration and anger. Today was the same as he seemed so upset. Had to resort to taking him on walk and park to calm him. He was still angry after a shower but he seem okay after […]

Sleeping Issues: Perspectives

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The husband had to wake up at 5am this morning because JB was screaming bloody murder at 5am. Thankful the big one slept through that and the little sister didn’t take forever to go back to sleep as usual. All in all the husband was the real loser with only 4 hours of sleep. Why did I titled this as perspectives? The husband’s sister came over today and when we told her about it she was shocked and said oh my but my husband replied it’s better than waking up at 3am. We all laughed but it is so true. As sad as 5am is, it is much better than 3am and since we had a 3 am just a few days ago, 5am is much much better. Everything in life is about perspectives. I have learned that our bad night/day could be someone’s very good day/night. Comparing isn’t the key but in reality it makes me feel that better in a sense that our situation is manageable and we can work through it. Hope is a very powerful thing. I can only hope tonight is a better night. Sleep deprivation is real and I must give credit to the husband for still being so patient and loving. It melts my heart when he holds JB up close and cradle his head telling our son how precious and how much he loves him. As much as sleep deprivation is real the love a father has for his son is truly […]

Bad night or would you call it super early morning

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JB woke up at 3am and started crying bloody hell. I guess he couldn’t fall back asleep and for was ready to start the day. Start the day he did with the husband but unfortunately he woke up baby sister and she  was ready to start the day too. Bad sleep must be contagious because she  woke up on the hour and while clearly still sleepy she was ready to go play. While I got more sleep than the husband it was restless sleep where I’m not fully sleeping. Why must these kids try to kill their mom and dad by waking so early? When JB is angry he stays angry for a while and sound proof walls can’t contain his noise or that the contractor lied and either put the crappiest sound proof. It’s been a while since his last episode, looking back I’m not sure how we survived 1-4 bad nights a week or very week. The worse was when he has the bad nights back to back where we have 8 bad nights in a roll. Guess I’ll gladly take the occasional bad nights. Still love him to the moon and back.    

Toilet Training Day 2

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Boy toilet training is hard. It is even harder when you have a routine that is so intense. Toilet training Mase was much more relaxed but likely because he was the only child when we trained and now I got 3 kids. Today was much better we managed to get 4 successes on the toilet and one of them is a bowel movement. The little things in life that gets you excited as an autism mom is funny. Not sure if there is a correlation but last two nights been bad nights in the sleeping category. WELL sleeping is always a struggle, but not sure if it is in my head or not, I feel he is crying extra hard these two nights. I get it, if I’m exhausted training him, I can’t imagine his exhaustion. He must be thinking, women that is enough you are torturing me. I think he is starting to understand the concept. We have started toilet training previously before the diagnosis but it was unsuccessful. However this time around, he was watching his pee as he was doing his business on the toilet. He seems aware with the bowel movement too, which I think are all good signs that he is indeed ready for this. I find it hard for my butt sitting on the toilet for 10 minutes let alone again and again all day long. I asked the hubby, why are we doing this, we are torturing the poor baby? Is it really […]

Bawling

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He bawls as if this is the end of the world. I’m pretty sure he was upset tonight because he wasn’t able to take all the circular foam mats upstairs to bed with him. The hubby let him take two which is manageable. These circle forms are about 12 inches in diameter so needless to say it’s impossible to take them all to bed. Boy was it a crying battle tonight. Baby girl was equally as upset. She put up a fight almost as hard as JB. It amazes me how Mase can sleep through all that. Thankfully that boy slept through it all, at least someone gets a good night rest. I forecast a bad night so I should get some snoozing when I can. Hope you are having a better night then us.

On cloud 9 even though I was exhausted

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Happy, Sleeping Issues, Struggles, The others

Extreme exhaustion today. JB was up from 3-7am crying, so….. nobody slept well. Mase woke up at 7:20am just when I fell back asleep. I went to Mase’s room so he wouldn’t be too loud and wake up the others and literally fell asleep instantly. He woke me at 8 saying it’s 8am. I got a few more mins while I send him to brush his teeth. My two minutes was an extra 15 whole minutes (yay). Mase heard Hailey wake up so he checked on her and discovered she pooed out of her shirt.  I dashed over so quick that my head started spinning since he was screaming and I thought she was on the edge of the bed or something dangerous. Poor kid waited an hour before I gave him breakfast and he gobbled it down quickly. He is the world’s best 5 year old (most of the time lol). I thanked him for letting me sleep in and being so good this am. He ate breakfast quickly, got dressed himself and didn’t throw a fit so needless to say I was so proud and happy. Listen to this, he even promised to be a good boy and will eat all his lunch today, tomorrow and EVERYDAY.  I was so proud I got teary. Lots of snuggles, hugs and kisses this am and think he enjoyed all the praises and attention. Gosh I don’t know how I struck gold having him but I’m so proud to call him […]

Sleepy + Hungry + Angry = Shangry

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No nap means we should change plans and prepare for a grumpy toddler. Of course, we trek through and don’t change our plans but end up suffering. He was grumpiest to the max. Shangry is real and let’s just say you never want to see him sleepy + hungry + angry. It’s the worse possible combination and EVERYBODY suffers. We canceled last weekend’s dinner invite from a close friend due to an ice storm. Yes you read correctly it was an ice storm in the middle of April. What is going on with the weather??? Where is my spring? I hate winter and so ready to put this behind us. So this dinner was already rescheduled and the big one has been looking forward to visiting because he gets to play games there. JB was just not having it and was crying/throwing a fit. Had to leave early as it was getting too miserable for all of us. On the bright side he slept real quick from 9pm-8am. That was one of the better nights in terms of sleeping. The boys both sounded asleep at 9 and we decided to catch a movie. Watched “All the money in the world”. Good movie but likely will regret the next day staying up till midnight. Every night is unpredictable and what a gamble we took.

A litre of tears

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Why must you be so upset. Only if you can use words or somehow show me what it is, that is bothering you. Or somehow show me how to comfort you. I’m heartbroken hearing you cry because maybe you are in pain or suffering. I hate nights where you endlessly bawl your eyes out. I know you must be so frustrated and exhausted. I would be too if I can’t get my needs and wants expressed. Only if I can take your frustration away, I wouldn’t think twice and do it in a heartbeat. It’s so hard to hear your baby cry for hours upon hours and feel like you can’t do anything. I know just being there and ensuring he is not hurting himself and offering my lap and shoulder is good but it is also so hard. As I am bouncing him on a yoga ball to calm him down, tears would roll down my eyes. A litre of tears will roll down before he falls asleep in my arms.